Draco Malfoy and the Tears of Aphrodite
by Henry and the Cat
Summary: Unnatural fondness of the Phantom of the Opera. Death Eaters throwing paper planes at each other. Pink streaks in red hair. Everything can happen, that's for sure! OBS: Don't take this fanfic seriously!


**Draco Malfoy and the Tears of Aphrodite**

By Princess Henry and her Mischievous Cat

**Chapter 1: The boy who watched the Phantom of the Opera (too much)**

Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy in Malfoy Manor were very proud to be able to call themselves… (Drum roll) EVIL! ...and sexy (at least in their opinion).

Lucius Malfoy was a full-time pureblood and part-time Death eater, and as such were always busy meddling with other people's business and/or killing and torturing innocent people.

Narcissa Malfoy was also a full-time pureblood but as she was a woman, she was instead busy polishing her nails and thereafter painting red as blood. That was the only Death eater-like thing she did; fixing her blood red nails. Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy had a son, who in their opinion (again), was the most beautiful little boy ever.

They had all they could wish for, but they also had a secret and their biggest fear was that someone would discover it; their fondness of a special Muggle musical. **_"The Phantom of the Opera"_**.

Second only to themselves, that was their greatest love in life.

Every evening at eight sharp, they pulled down the curtains, sneaked down into the silent charmed "Very secret chamber in the cellar behind the fluorescent red door" and watched you-know-which movie.

The overdose of this specific romantic drama was probably what led to their son's later obsession with other people's love lives (and the overdose of frilly dresses was probably what led to his later sexual disposition…).

When Mr. Malfoy woke up in the middle of the night that rainy Tuesday night, his heart beat fast in his chest because he had seen the death of the Dark Lord in his dreams and could have sworn it had happened for real. It was all realistic. He could have described every detail; from the Dark Lord's grey socks with yellow rubber ducks, to the pink streaks in Lily Potter's hair (okay, so the dream wasn't _that_ realistic! How could anyone have so bad taste as to dye pink streaks in red hair?) Anyway, in his dream, the Dark Lord had walked alone into the cute little house in Godric's Hollow where had quickly slaughtered James and Lily Potter (with the dreadful pink streaks!) before turning towards the Potter's little chubby son. Lucius thought Lily had screamed the name Harry before the Dark Lord killed her, as she tried to save the boy. And then something odd happened.

When the Dark Lord tried to hit Harry with the killing curse, it kind of seemed to bounce back… or something… and hit the Dark Lord instead. Then everything turned greenish, and then whitish, and then blackish, before shifting into purplish, changing to blue with red dots-ish and lastly turning into the color of the Malfoy's bedroom ceiling. In other words, he woke up.

For a moment, he considered the possibility that it had actually happened because it _had_ seemed so real (apart from Lily Potter's pink streaks, because that was just plain ugly) but decided that it was just a dream. After all, the Dark Lord couldn't just _die_, just as a cat couldn't read a map (however that had anything to do with this) and _besides_, not even Lily Potter could have such a bad taste as to dye pink streaks in red hair. After sorting this out, he went back to sleep.

The next day he had nearly forgotten about his dream, so he was in a good mood when he Apparated to the decided place of the Death eater meeting, looking forward to another day filled with killing and torturing innocent people. But his mood sank when the Dark Lord failed to show up and the Death eaters ended up spending the day drinking lemonade, eating chocolate cookies (we got cookies!), throwing paper planes at each other and discussing the latest part of "Which Watch" (rip-off from Baywatch? You think? Nah!) Or, the show's whole name being: "Which Witch took the Watch". Try to say _that_ ten times over!

* * *

In the meantime, Narcissa was painting her nails again (surprise, surprise…) but, to her little son's astonishment, not in blood red but in lime green (surprise! Didn't see that one coming did you?) In pure shock of this sudden change in his environment, young Draco exclaimed an expressive:

"Dada?"

Whereupon his mother gave out a happy shriek, rushed out into the kitchen and ordered the little ugly, unimportant house elf Dobby to make a cake with the words "Defense Against Dark Arts (Dada), Draco's first word!"

She spent the rest of the day watching the little blonde boy dissect his cake and pondered on why her son had chosen Dada to be his first word, when he lived in a family of known Dark wizards and witches.

Thus was the life of the Malfoy's.

* * *

"I'll take my watch now, Kingsley."

"About time! Where the heck have you been? You should have been here an hour ago!"

"Well… Everyone's celebrating and I thought that it would have been rude to pass up a few fire whiskeys. I mean, you can't say no when it's for free, can you?"

"I'm not even answering that… Wait a second, you're drunk? When you're supposed to keep watch over possible Death eaters?"

"Um… So, anything interesting happening here?"

"No, not much. She's been staring at her son's very bad table manners for hours. It's creeping me out."

"Wow, are you sure that there really is a boy under all that cake…? Wait, it moved!"

"Haha, very funny."

"Cheer up now, Kingsley! You should be happy on this day!"

"Those fools out there are happy enough to cover my part too. I've seen it all day. Flocks of owls, shooting stars… Even the Muggles are going to notice soon."

"Well, we finally have something to celebrate. We haven't had much reason for that in the past eleven years."

"I know, but that's no reason to lose our heads. Fine thing it would be if, on the very day You-Know-Who seems to have disappeared at last, the Muggles found out about us all."

"…You don't happen to want a cauldron? Not for free of course, but for a small Galleon…"

"Mundungus!"

"What?"

"Nothing… I don't know if this family has even found out yet. They have been acting normal. If you can call them normal, that is."

* * *

On his way home from the disappointing Death eater meeting (even though the cookies had tasted good), Mr. Malfoy had finally found out about the news.

He tried to rush in through the heavy, thick (very thick!) door of Malfoy Manor and, when forgetting to open it first, gaining himself a sexy bump on his forehead. After that, he staggered into the hall, screaming:

"He's gone!"

Whereupon, Mrs. Malfoy ran into the living room and responded with a relieved sigh:

"No, Draco's still here."

"No, not him! The Dark Lord!" Mr. Malfoy answered with panic clearly evident in his voice.

Narcissa's eyes shot wide open in pure shock unable to answer, while her husband whined on:

"The pain! The horror! The agony! The… first vacation I've had in eleven years!"

* * *

Draco sat on the floor watching his parents running around cheerfully and packing their suitcases for a long holiday in Greece, praising the Boy Who Lived for giving them this vacation.

Draco was quite sure that in this very moment, people were _not_ meeting in secret all over the country, _not _holding up their glasses and _not_ saying in hushed voices: "To Draco Malfoy – the boy who watched the Phantom of the Opera (too much)!"

…But he wanted them to!


End file.
